I was chatting a colleague in Tacoma during the week and he asked what I was doing on the weekend. Had it not been due to the miserable weather yesterday I would have been playing cricket of course, and his comment was that he doesn’t really get the game. So, here’s two approaches at describing the game.

In a cricket match each side (teams are called “sides”) is up twice. The first team bats, the second team bats, the first team bats, the second team bats, and whaddaya know, it’s five days later. Whoever scores the most runs wins, of course. What baseball calls a “half-inning,” cricket calls “innings.” So the first team has its “first innings,” then the second team (whoops! side) has its “first innings”, the each side has its “second innings.”

This, from Cricinfo - Cricket Explained (An American Viewpoint)

You know the big tent at the east end of the county fairgrounds? Next to the show barn? Imagine it’s an oval filled with 90,000 Pakistanis who love to watch pie-eating—who love pie-eating more than soccer—even though it seems to the rest of us that eating pie would be a fairly unpleasant reminder of British Colonialism.

Huh? That’s an exerpt from To protect your pies you need a bat - How to Explain The Rules of Cricket.

Mixed media street art

Cricket in winter you say? Huh? Thanks to the SMCA, winter cricket is alive and well in Sydney. As the minor rounds draw to an end, I racked up a solid 70 this weekend, only out in the last overs going for the dash. Unfortunatlely for us we went down - all out for 162 in the 33rd over, and it would seem a loss here will see us out of the finals race. Only if the results go our way, will we make the semis.

Fortunately, the semi-finals for Cammeray start this weekend. Perhaps I can find some runs for them, considering I’m the captain and averaging a meagre 7.33 here, whilst I’ve got a handy average of 69.0 with the Regulators, including two half-centuries out of three digs. I’m determined to change that this weekend.

As his frustration mounted, Peter Lever let him have a short one. The ball deflected into (Ewen) Chatfield’s temple and he collapsed twitching and swallowed his tongue.

I don’t care what anybody says, this article illustrates some bloody exchanges and in turn, is why I wear a helmet whilst batting, playing cricket. Once upon a time when I was a faster bowler, I had a caused some damage cracking the odd cheek bone or cutting into the skin with the hard seam of the new ball - but I thankfully haven’t done that very recently as I’m a little bit slower these days. I was hit in the head once, but off a top edge to a spinner, so no damage was done.

Rick McCosker & Tony Greig with their 1977 edition helmet that could also be used on the Vespa after the game

We’ve seen Justin Langer hit on the head and play no further part in a match. The recent test versus South Africa at Centurion was an example of this, and even with the current protection on offer - helmets do lessen the blow but the dangers are still present.

To hark back to a previous era, with bowlers such as Ray Lindwall, Charlie Griffith, Andy Roberts, Jeff Thompson, Dennis Lillee and Malcolm Marshall striking like venomous cobras on pitches that were nowhere as well prepared as they are today and when helmets where either non-existent, or only just coming into the game is frightening. Whilst it the consequences would not be at the front of your mind, if you saw what happened to Rick McCosker(pictured - left) it would be hard to ignore. On the flipside there was the laissez-faire attitude of Viv Richards. “That’s what my bat is for” he has been heard commenting on many occaisions, as he was always seen batting in his baggy maroon cap whilst chewing vigourously on his chewing gum.

In any event, I don’t get paid to play cricket or paid to sit in hospital – nor do I have medical staff only seconds away, so I’m quite happy to wear my ‘lid’, even when I might be completely saturated with perspiration after batting (or is that battling?) in forty degree heat for more than a couple of hours when all you can think of is taking the damn thing off.

Batting helmets have been mandatory in Major League Baseball in the US since 1971. School and underage cricket have enforced the use of helmets for more than a decade now, and the time when a batsman was deemed either incompetent or afraid due to using a helmet have now largely passed, thankfully as ignorance has made way for common sense. However, one has to think it’s only a matter of time until a helmet is found in every player’s kit bag.

Cammeray A Grade have done it again, and “Eric” stays put for another season. A comprehensive 6 wicket victory in the grand final over Kiribilli over weekend. Back to back A Grade NSCA premierships and a third premiership in a row for Cammeray’s 1st grade side after they took the A Reserve flag in 2003/04.

Three in a row

Congratulations to the team! The NSCA presentation night is at The Anzac Club in Cammeray on Thursday, April 6.

Cammeray Cricket Club held its annual Presidents vs Barbarians fixture at Beauchamp Oval, Chatswood on the Sunday past. Here’s the match run-down.

Four runs through mid-off - © Neil Smith

The first weekend of club cricket means excitement and a sense of anticipation of what the season will bring. Only 75% fit after succumbing to the ‘flu all week, I made the call to play on Saturday. I’m still deciding whether or not that was a wise decision.

Along with the cricket this weekend was the bi-annual Glebe record fair - my first stop for the morning. Bumped into a few people and picked up some gems:

The Future Sound EP - Juan Atkins (ULR)
One & One - Chelonis R. Jones (Get Physical)
Happiness - Superpitcher (Kompakt)
One, Two, Three, No Gravity - Closer Musik (Out of the Loop)
Limited 2 - Swag (Version)
Unreleased Dubs - Swag (Version)
Reign (Remixes) - UNKLE (Mowax)

Perhaps that’s where I should have called my day off. I rocked up to play Old Ignatians at Artarmon - one of the worst grounds going around at this time of the year. With all the touch football and soccer that gets played during the off season, the ground hasn’t had time to recover. To say the outfield is bumpy is an understatment, with balls literally turning at right angles when they bounce - quite ridiculous.

We won the toss and bowled - taking the new ball, I bowled 3 overs and was hit for 2 sixes back over my head - the first time I’ve ever experienced that. Anyhow, I came back, with my last five and went for considerably less, taking 1/50 of my eight overs - not flash at all, and the ‘flu certainly didn’t help. Old Iggies were kept 208 and we were crusing at 5/190 with plenty of overs to spare when we lost 5/8 and that was it! Not the best start to the season, let’s hope it doesn’t come back to bite us when we need the points.

Watching the Australia vs ICC World XI match today, and it was hard to not notice the jewellry that Kevin Pietersen was wearing.

A pair of diamond cricket ball studs valued at £25,000 and the diamond encrusted cricket bat that hangs around his neck was worth a measly £50,000.

Haven’t times changed - Lillee with his gold chain and medallion was considered flamboyant in the 70s, not to mention their pay packet would have been the equivalent of a junior office clerk. Then again, Pietersen’s needs something to counter his skunk hair-do that just looks ridiculous.

Does he worship Satan too? Now, there’s the headlines to get a conversation started. Heard in the car on the way home, incidently, from a net session at Gladesville.

Anyhow, that’s what Frangipani and the Floating Lights think. After, the recent series, you’ve goto to wonder what’s really been going on. Hohns, Buchanan, Hayden, Kaspa - I’m sure you can tell me what’s the link? This, with all this talk about the youth policy of the team. Dropping the Clayton’s captain in Lehmann, yet if you want youth, you would be looking to the likes of Hussey and Hodge perhaps, as Katich hasn’t really made an impact at national level. I could go on and on, but more importantly, here’s the lyrics for Trevor Hohns smokes crack and worships Satan.

There are some things in life that will never be told.
There are somethings that will never come out.
But lets all speak our minds here.
Let the truth come out tonight.

CHORUS
Trever Hohns smokes crack and worships Satan
Trever Hohns smokes crack and worships Satan

VERSE ONE
Two skinny white men with nothing to do,
But watch cricket with our bitches and our hip hop crew.
You never seen some boys with so many rocks,
Bling bling! Punters girlfriend is a dead set fox!

We love putting in the hours into pleasing the bitches,
Like Kevin Mitchell Junior does preparing his pitches.
In this game its hard to be original,
Like its hard to see that Dizzy’s Aboriginal.

Betting with Gupta in a Calcutta hole,
Watching Murali chuck and the Sultan bowl.
I’m a lyrical little master and I’m on the attack,
‘Cos I’m watching Trevor Hohns give my heros the sack.

Now I’m not stupid, and I’m not a bore,
If I want to know the weather I’ll ask Mark Waugh.
If I want to pick a team I know for sure,
Trevor Hohns smokes cones and his teams don’t score.

CHORUS
Trever Hohns smokes crack and worships Satan
Trever Hohns smokes crack and worships Satan

VERSE TWO
Now we know Trevor Hohns ain’t afraid of a cone,
And he’s about as popular as Warnie on the phone,
And a racist bastard too when he’s picking the team.
Where is the inestimable Richard CheeQuee?

Lehmann’s gay earring doesn’t wash with the pursists,
And he’s that damn ugly that he scaring off tourists.
Punter’s dishlicker is a slack punt,
When Lehmann gets out you’re a black….

Damien Martyn must be giving Trevor favours,
‘Cos when we need a wicket he’s never there to save us.
Like Virender Sehwag is a serial appealer,
And he’s as pretty to watch as a hairy-backed sheila.

Two brothers can play six hundred one dayers,
And be two of the countries greatest ever players,
The next thing you know they were shown the door,
‘Cos Trevor Hohns smokes cones and his teams don’t score.

CHORUS
Trever Hohns smokes crack and worships Satan
Trever Hohns smokes crack and worships Satan

VERSE THREE
Dean Leon Trackman’s always dissing the blackman,
He needs to play it straight like VVS Laxman.
Hansie saw the devil ‘cos he smoked the crack, man,
Warnie dropping pills like he’s trying to be Pac-Man.

Darryl Cullinan and his team South Africa
All sweaty and nervous like a Bali drug trafficker
They’re dropping catches, they’re throwing matches
Smoking cricket pole like Hansom scratches

Hard and fast, give it hard and fast

BRIDGE
Pushpakamura, Pushpakamura, Pushpakamura’s from cheating Sri Lanka
Murali and Sangakkara, Murali and Sangakkara, Murali and Sangakara, Sunil Gavaskar

VERSE FOUR
Our rhymes are metronomical like a fullly fit McGrath,
But when he dropped Bichel, Trevor went too far.
And he dropped him for Bracken man the dude can’t bowl.
I wish MacGill’s parents had used birth control.

Border and Boony need to ice the mutherfucker,
We’ve got more rage than Sri Lanka’s got chuckers.
Why don’t you send another sucker off to Bangalore?
‘Cos Trevor Hohns smokes cones and his teams don’t score.

CHORUS
Trever Hohns smokes crack and worships Satan
Trever Hohns smokes crack and worships Satan

Well.. there’s no better place than at Cammeray Cricket Club. Now that I’ve done that shameless plug, just drop me a line if you’re interested.

On Saturday, I headed down to Camden to play a cricket match against I Zingari. The fixture was a 40-over affair, and the I Zingari side has traditionally contained a mixture of cricketers local to the region, in addition to players from international, state/county and first-grade level (past and present). Even Don Bradman made an appearance for them once upon a time.

On a pitch that probably one day early in preparation, due to the amount of moisture present, we elected to bowl, and what fun we were having due to the slow nature of the pitch.

In the fourth over, one of our strike bowlers was hit on the ankle and went off the field. It was only that evening we found out that he had broken several bones in his foot and was in a plaster cast.

Reduced to ten men, the opposition with 12, they lent us a player to field, and what a boon that was, with him taking two catches. After 40 overs, their scoring was kept to 4 runs an over, 161 the target.

Probably with the best of the conditions, our run chase started poorly and we were 2 for 1. However, we consolidated steadily, and by the half-way mark we were in sight of the target. The sixth wicket fell and we were 45 runs short of the target. That brought myself to the crease with the captain - the two Ben(n)’s ready to attack.

36 runs was brought up in a rate of knots until I was bowled by the NCSA president - Craig Hambleton. The delivery clipped the top of my outstretched pad and then proceeded to knock the bails off. I didn’t look back, as you never want to see the sight of carnage.

Another ten runs for victory were added easily as the light started to fade. An excellent day of quality cricket played in a friendly manner was topped off with a few beers.

It’s always a little odd playing cricket in May, however the Sydney climate allows you to do that quite easily, especially in the south-west region which seems to miss the rain quite frequently.

Anyway, I look forward to doing it again next year.